Coping with Grief


It’s taken me this long to talk about it. To really say what I feel. It’s a mere 40 days yet the trauma is still fresh in our minds, hearts and souls. Losing loved ones is never easy; losing them this way is the hardest.

Forty days ago, I watched as my family’s life was turned upside down. My cousin lost his wife and four kids in a dreadful fire that no one could comprehend least of all him and my dearest aunt and uncle. His siblings also suffer along with him and so does the rest of the family. In five short years that he has been married, he has fathered four children and watched his family perish before him.

The difficult part is attempting to put the family back together. The fact that he survived hasn’t been easy on him nor her family, but all we hope for is that Allah (God) makes it easier for each of us.

Helping him put back the pieces of his life has been a challenge. He along with his wife ran a home business in which they sold chicken to people. We’ve started getting his business back in order but some beg to ask, how can he so quickly recover, so quickly go back to running a business? It’s not easy but he has to. If he didn’t he would lose his mind thinking about his children and his wife. We all recall stories but nothing compares to a father’s memories.

I write this knowing that some person in my family or in his in-laws would read this and not approve. But sharing the hurt helps me, just a little.

I’ve been strong for my cousins – his siblings because when I moved up to Johannesburg they were my homes away from home. They cared for me every time I was sick or made sure I was ok after having an accident or whatever the situation may have been. Now I try to return the favour even if it means staying at their homes so they are never alone over the weekend, even if I am fast asleep in another room and they are having sleepless nights. The thought that there is someone around helps strengthen them.

I wish I could do more for my aunt, my dad’s eldest sister, but nothing can help ease the pain knowing your grandchildren have left this world before you.

I pray every day that it gets easier. Suraya, Mohammed Uzair, Fatima Zahra, Laeeqah and Mohammed Zubair – their names will be with us always. May Allah grant them Janaat-ul-Firdous and may he make it easier on the family.

A home the moved into only a month before

A home they moved into only a month before

6 Comments to Coping with Grief

  1. Ameen to your duas. Your words brought tears to my eyes – I cannot begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. Much love, hugs and duas x x x

  2. Your sharing definitely tugged heart strings. May ALLAH give strength to your cousin and your family. Ameen.

  3. I genuinely wish I could say something magical that would in some way give you a sense of peace and understanding but no words can come close to offering solace to any parent who has had to bury their children or any family member who has had to stand by and watch life change so dramatically in a seemingly unfair unreal way.

    May all your duas be accepted, may your loss be met with strength, courage and a deeper understanding of life and may allah make this easy on you guys.

  4. Daniel Allis

    I am reading your story & feeling your pain, here in California, halfway around the world…
    All I can say is, please may God/Allah help you & your family to find some peace, some kind of understanding. You will be in my prayers.

  5. Ernest Gerber

    This is definitely the most horrible thing that can happen to a human being. Losing Family is never easy but losing your entire family is absolutely terrible. The inners strength and support needed to overcome this tragedy is immense and the heart ache that goes with it I would not want to comprehend.
    The cliché is time heals all wounds but the memories will last forever. To the matter of going on with his life and moving on fast, well he is alive and living and need to make a living to live. It is not to say that because he has started to put back together his live that he is not still suffering, that he is not still distraught and that the pain is not eating at him because in actual fact is.
    Personally I cannot think that it is possible to make sense out of such a tragedy. My heart goes out to the father and husband who lost everything. I’ll keep him and you in my prayers.

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