It’s taken me this long to talk about it. To really say what I feel. It’s a mere 40 days yet the trauma is still fresh in our minds, hearts and souls. Losing loved ones is never easy; losing them this way is the hardest.

Forty days ago, I watched as my family’s life was turned upside down. My cousin lost his wife and four kids in a dreadful fire that no one could comprehend least of all him and my dearest aunt and uncle. His siblings also suffer along with him and so does the rest of the family. In five short years that he has been married, he has fathered four children and watched his family perish before him.

The difficult part is attempting to put the family back together. The fact that he survived hasn’t been easy on him nor her family, but all we hope for is that Allah (God) makes it easier for each of us.

Helping him put back the pieces of his life has been a challenge. He along with his wife ran a home business in which they sold chicken to people. We’ve started getting his business back in order but some beg to ask, how can he so quickly recover, so quickly go back to running a business? It’s not easy but he has to. If he didn’t he would lose his mind thinking about his children and his wife. We all recall stories but nothing compares to a father’s memories.

I write this knowing that some person in my family or in his in-laws would read this and not approve. But sharing the hurt helps me, just a little.

I’ve been strong for my cousins – his siblings because when I moved up to Johannesburg they were my homes away from home. They cared for me every time I was sick or made sure I was ok after having an accident or whatever the situation may have been. Now I try to return the favour even if it means staying at their homes so they are never alone over the weekend, even if I am fast asleep in another room and they are having sleepless nights. The thought that there is someone around helps strengthen them.

I wish I could do more for my aunt, my dad’s eldest sister, but nothing can help ease the pain knowing your grandchildren have left this world before you.

I pray every day that it gets easier. Suraya, Mohammed Uzair, Fatima Zahra, Laeeqah and Mohammed Zubair – their names will be with us always. May Allah grant them Janaat-ul-Firdous and may he make it easier on the family.

A home they moved into only a month before

People usually tell me my life is exciting but these last two days steal the cake for this month. Yesterday, 17 November 2010, was Eid ul Adha. One of the times I love most and I love going home, Durban and spending it with the family. This year was no different except that I had all of one day at home to celebrate it. Flew down early in the morning and flew back the next morning. Exciting times!

Eid was a little different this year. Headed out to Inchanga Islamic Centre as usual to cut my Qurbani [sheep] and ended up staying to help my uncle who was short staffed. He runs proceedings at the centre and helps facilitate the entire Qurbani process. Having stayed longer it was interesting to see my cousin who normally would never get involved stay and help as well. She is really a girly girl and even though six months my junior we are like toasted chalk and cheese. So different but so together, if you catch my drift.

Then it was loads of family time and that I love most in the world. I have this motto: “Family First” and so far I’ve always managed to stick with it. So much so that at times I miss out on some pretty exciting opportunities, but family is my life and that’s the way it should be. So happens that my extended family – aunts, uncles, cousins – are so close to me that not spending enough time with them, is sometimes actually bad for me and makes me moody. Go figure!

More excitement arrived today, 18 November 2010. I managed to get pick pocketed at OR Tambo International Airport on returning to miserable, coldish Johannesburg. Sigh. Running around like a frantic chicken with out a head is definitely a sight to see. I’ve been fortunate in the past that this has never happened to me and I am grateful that the incident this morning did not have anything to do with being held up or threatened or confronted in any way. Also I am grateful that the only thing they managed to take was my cellphone and not my wallet also lying in the same bag.

Today is Thankful Thursday and I am thankful, for family, friends and moments that even though bad have a silver lining in them.

My sisters amazing Eclairs - she caters for Durban

Yes I wanted to post it because… I CAN!!!

The advantages and disadvantages of having more than 19 kids

In this day and age, most people stop procreating at around three or four kids. If you’re Brangelina, you go up to six. But if you’re tempted to continue until you have more than 19 kids, here are the significant advantages and disadvantages:

The advantages

• You have a complete soccer team… and then some
• Fathers Day or Mothers Day is a real cash cow
• Chances are there’s a huge age difference between your oldest and youngest – so you’ll always have a babysitter
• Hand me down clothes are a real cost saving
• You’ll have at least 70 grandchildren and probably 180 great grandchildren
• You become the poster child for family planning
• You can run your own family business and never have to deal with the CCMA
• You will never be lonely… ever

The disadvantages

• You will never remember all their names or birthdays
• 20 kids equals at least one kiddies’ birthday party each month – have you ever been to a kiddies’ birthday party? Pure hell I tell you
• Imagine how many parent-teacher evenings you have to attend
• You will have to rent a bus for family outings
• Father Christmas will give your house a skip completely because it’s just too damn expensive
• Two words: medical bills
• Another two words: school bills
• One washing machine just won’t cut it
• You will always be broke
• You will be old young
• When you’re old, you’ll be the ping pong parent as they try fob you off on each other
• You have to have two and a half dinner and cutlery sets, and a really long dining room table
• You will never be able to touch the TV remote
• You will never be alone… ever